


The star maker says, it ain't so bad

by lighteningboltfanatic



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Buck and Eddie are Dumb, Buck is a big brother, Buck is a strand, Buck is super impulsive, F/M, Gen, Hospitalization, M/M, Meet the Family, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, No Beta, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), Sort Of, TK and Buck are both super impulsive, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, We love him anyway, and protective, but i can't let this headcannon go, but not Buck, cystic fibrosis, only slightly, the 126 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighteningboltfanatic/pseuds/lighteningboltfanatic
Summary: Evan Buckley isn't one to open up about his past or his family, but when family calls he's off in minutes.Will a rough situation help him realize he's not everything he thinks he is?Will he be okay?Because I can't seem to let go of my Evan Buckley-Strand headcanon.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Everyone, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley & the 126, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Owen Strand & Bobby Nash, Owen Strand & TK Strand, TK Strand & Evan "Buck" Buckley
Comments: 30
Kudos: 499





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Spaceman by The Killers

Buck was beginning to lose it.   
It had been almost a month since he started back at the firehouse and he felt empty.    
He was just so numb.    
He missed Chim making humorous jabs at him throughout their shift. He missed Hen hitting him when he beat her at whatever game they were playing that day. He missed Bobby cooking and making side comments to whatever any of them were talking about at any specific time. He missed eating with them. He missed Eddie, just him. He missed going to his house and eating pizza and watching movies and above all, he missed Chris. He missed Chris with every fibre in his body. He missed being a family. He missed  _ his  _ family. 

But he still kept going, he had to. 

If not for all that he put everyone through than for the fact that he had to prove himself to them. He had to prove that he was capable of it all. He had to prove that he was worth it all.   
So even when he hurt more than words could express. When his leg throbbed under his weight, when he hadn’t slept in days or was too nauseous to eat, he still went to work and cleaned with every fibre in him. 

It wasn’t necessarily what he wanted to be doing but at this point, he was going to take everything and anything that they gave him. As long as he was there, even if being there meant all the passing glares and not going out on calls and not being a family anymore, Buck knew it would take time, he just hoped it wouldn’t belong. Until then he would keep going, just keep swimming. 

  
However, he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss dinners. He missed sitting with them more than anything. He barely ate on shift anymore, distracting himself by cleaning sections he already had or spending longer in the gym than he probably should.    
He ate when he could, slept when he could, but by this point, he was practically living off of protein bars, microwaveable meals and coffee. So much coffee. He thinks even his brother would be appalled by how much coffee he was guzzling every day, and his brother’s an avid coffee drinker.    
Buck’s body jolted slightly as the truck rolled back into its place, his teammates climbing off quickly after. The truck is completely covered in mud and he knew it would take him the rest of shift to clean it, again. 

  
“Rough call?” Cap simply ignores while Eddie gives him the dirtiest look, not missing his shoulder as he walks off towards the showers.    
“A little kid got stuck in a mud pit, couldn’t climb out.” Hen offers, smiling softly before following after the others. Buck takes that with stride and it’s probably the only thing that gets him through his shift, or any shift these days, Hen talking to him, even if it’s only a little. 

By the time his shift was over, he could feel all of his muscles screaming out of delight at the chance to go home and just lay on his couch for the next twenty-four hours.

Buck didn’t miss the glare he gets from Eddie on his way to his jeep or the hushed conversation between Eddie and Bobby. He just acts like he doesn’t see it, acts like it doesn’t physically pain him that his best friend, the man he loves absolutely hates his guts.

The second he steps into his loft, he collapses onto his couch, groaning in equal parts pain as relief. Deciding to take a shower, he strips off the grimy work clothes he hadn’t even bothered changing out of and he becomes ultra-aware of the dirt coating his hair, and oh how he wishes it was from being on a call and not from cleaning the truck of mud twice in one shift. 

He ends up showering for almost half an hour, just letting the scalding hot water take him away for even a minute. It doesn’t work for long, and by the time he gets out, he’s even more numb than he had been before the fear of the Tsunami railed him once again.   
Logically, he understands that it’s been months, several months since the Tsunami. His brain, however, can’t seem to shake the debilitating fear every time he takes a shower or closes his eyes.    
He always ends up right back, the middle of a natural disaster, unable to find Chris.    
Back in his room, his phone beeps, alerting him that he has a voicemail. He clicks it whilst yanking on an old army green t-shirt that he doesn’t think is his, pausing abruptly as the voice rings out through his room. 

“Hey kid, it’s Owen. I wouldn’t usually call about this but I know you prefer to be let in on this stuff. Ram’s in the hospital again. The kids resilient, you know that, but I wanted to call. Alright, bye, kid. Love you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Buck has never been described as rational, not once in his life, literally ever. He’s impulsive, and he’s more than excepted that about himself. So when he calls off for the next month and books a plane ticket for Austin, he doubts that anyone is thoroughly surprised.    
That is if anyone else knew.   
  
Some hours before his flight, he decides to go to Maddie’s to let her knew what’s going on.    
This is almost routine for them, the hospital visits. Maddie had never been too deeply aware of them, having already been off to college by the time that Ram was born. Buck was deeply in it though, being only eleven when he was born. A lot of his childhood was spent in the hospital with his brother, although he genuinely never minded. It was awesome, and despite what everyone always says, the food was awesome, and he made really good friends with some of the nurses and doctors and regular patients like his brother. Not to mention he got to miss out of school. 

Buck sighs as he knocks on his sister’s door, nearly getting thrown backwards when she launches at him. To be fair, because of everything happening he’s been avoiding her. He didn’t want to make her life, nor her relationship with Chim hard or awkward. So he just stayed away.   
  
“What do I owe the visit?” Buck chews on his lip as they both sit on the couch. “Ram’s in the hospital again. I’m gonna go visit for a couple of weeks, I just wanted to let you know.” Maddie nods, seeming not at all phased and Buck doesn’t even think about it. “Is he alright?” Buck nods then shrugs. “Owen was exceptionally vague but he didn’t say he was dying so.” Buck pauses as they both laugh a little. “But I haven’t seen them since they moved down there almost two years ago so, thought that I should visit.” Maddie nods as they migrate to the kitchen. She hands Buck a bottle of water, grabbing one for herself. “You want me to come with you?” Buck shakes his head. “You don’t have to, with work and all.” Maddie narrows her eyes at him but his alarm letting him know to head to the airport thankfully cuts off whatever she wanted to say. “I better go.” She sighs but nods, hugging him again. “Tell them all I said, hi.” He nods and leaves, driving maybe a little too absentmindedly to the airport.   
  
These days, all Buck seems to be able to do is dwell. Dwell on the things he didn’t do, the things he should’ve done, the things that happened, the things that didn’t, the things that were said and the things that weren’t. He dwells on how almost pissed off Bobby was when he found out that Buck was taking his vacation time. He had gone straight to the fire chief who had already known of the situation with Ram and was able to get a month off immediately. He dwells on how useless Bobby must think he is and he hopes Bobby knows he wants it, wants it so bad. But in all honesty, he misses his brothers and he misses Owen. He misses people that don’t hate him. 

By the time he gets to Austin, he’s literally dragging his feet behind him to the hospital, and until that moment he had never been happier to have ride-share.

Buck goes straight up to Ram’s room after grabbing five coffees.   
  
He knocks on the open door, not wanting to just enter with no warning, earning four pairs of eyes to dart over to him. “The Buckley returns!” Ram cheers, earning a scold from the nurse who is trying to fix his IV that he no doubt had previously yanked out. When he was little, he yanked his IV out so much that they began wrapping it and tapping it in several spots to keep him from accidentally yanking it out.   
  
“Sorry Myra. Buck this is Myra, a nurse. Myra this is my other brother Buck.” Myra smiles at him before patting the youngest on the shoulder. “Alright, I’ll see you later kid.” Ram nods to her as she disappears and Owen and TK both move to hug the blonde man.  
  
“I still can’t believe you came down here for something so small,” Ram says after a few minutes and Buck glances at Owen whos rolling his eyes. “So what is this very small thing I came down for?” Buck raises his eyebrows as Ram answers with a sliver of a smile, “I just passed out, a little bit.” Buck and TK both bursts into laughter at Owen’s annoyed face. “Just passed out. A little bit, huh?” Ram nods, giving Buck a thumbs up in agreement. “Eh, had to come here anyway for treatment, just made it easier.” Ram cuts himself off when he starts coughing but Buck just shakes his head at his little brother.   
  
“So how’d you pass out?” It looks like Owen’s gonna answer but TK does instead, “He hasn’t been eating enough.” Ram rolls his eyes, turning towards TK and talking in between coughs. “It’s a bit more complicated than that, dick. Yes, I haven’t been eating enough but I was also dehydrated and overheated and tired. Coughing a lung out takes a lot out of you.” Owen shakes his head at his youngest son but turns to Buck to better explain, “He’s going to be meeting with his dietician again-” Ram cuts him off while leaping off the bed, careful with the iv but seemingly not caring as he grabs his drawing pad and the tv remote. “So more food and more delicious liquid nutrition. Yum.” All three of them burst into laughter which ultimately turns into laughter and coughing.   
  
This would seem odd to an outsider, to literally anyone else this would all seem entirely insane. Everyone always pities Ram, and Buck knows that he hates it more than anything. But Ram is a fighter, he’s one of the strongest people that Buck knows.   
If anyone’s his hero, it’s definitely Ram.    
(Followed closely by Chris.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not have cystic fibrosis nor am I an expert on cystic fibrosis. I've done as much research as possible, however, if there are any glaring things wrong let me know.
> 
> Also, the timeline is a bit different. It's been about a month+ since the lawsuit ended, but the Strands have been living and working in Austin for 2 years by this point.   
> Other than that, things are about the same.

“Go fish sucker!” Ram cheers earning a jolt of laughter from the three men. He sips on his milkshake, waiting for TK to finish shuffling. “So where’s Carlos, Ty?” TK pauses but quickly regains his composure and continues shuffling, simply shrugging as if he hadn’t just frozen and blushed darkly at the mere mention of the Latino’s name.    
A knock at the door cuts off Ram before he can even start on TK and Owen leans back in his chair to see who it is.   
  
“Speak of the devil.” Carlos strides in, a soft smile on his lips as he waves a coffee cup in the air. “Is that-?” Carlos nods earning an exceptionally loud cheer from the young man, which of course turns into a coughing fit but he lurches for the cup nonetheless.   
  
“What is it?” Buck questions, nodding towards Carlos as a form of greeting. He’s only ever met him through facetime and TK and Ram gushing about him. Well, Ram “gushing” is mostly him grumbling over TK and Carlos’ relationship. 

“My Abuela’s coffee. Ram loves it. Nice to meet you in person by the way.” Buck nods, laughing as the boy switches between milkshake and coffee, turning to TK.    
“Well don’t keep us waiting, loverboy, deal the cards.” TK throws a card at him mockingly before passing them out.    
A couple of hours past but eventually Ram is tired and the four leave him when he falls asleep.

"We have a shift but we can drop you off at the apartment if you want?" Buck nods, knowing full well that he isn’t asking, Owen is telling him they're dropping him off. "I can take him." Carlos offers, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't have a shift until tomorrow." TK pouts but melts into his boyfriend’s touch when Carlos leans down to kiss him. Buck can't help but feel both happy for them and extremely jealous. Jealous because he wants that, more than anything, but he will never have that. He's messed up too much. 

"Buck!" Buck blinks rapidly at Carlos, noticing both Owen and TK are gone. "They went to work. Is it alright if I take you to the apartment?" Buck nods because he has zero reasons to say no. He may not know Carlos very well but his brother loves him and his other brother and stepdad like him a lot, which is something that doesn’t happen often. 

Owen and Ram are super protective when it comes to TK. It's actually really funny. 

The ride to the apartment is fairly quiet, maybe because even after two days he's still adjusting to the whole difference in schedule from his LA life to his Texas vacation if that's what you could call this. 

"How are you liking Texas so far?" Buck shrugs as Carlos follows him into the apartment. "Haven't seen much. Just here and the hospital, passing building's. TK and Owen want to show me the firehouse but not until Ram gets out." Carlos nods and Buck can tell he wants to ask something. "Go ahead and ask whatever you want to ask. Do you want anything to drink?" Carlos nods so he grabs them both a water and it feels all to like sitting with Eddie, both on stools at the island, sipping on water instead of beer. 

It makes Bucks heartache in his chest. 

"How was it, growing up with Ram?" Buck laughs, loud and full of joy and love. 

He had been asked that several times throughout his life. Everyone always pitied him for growing up the way he did. Honestly, he wouldn't choose any different, well, of course, he would if it meant his brother wasn't dying but he never hated his childhood. Despite the circumstances, in terms of his brother he had a great childhood. 

"It was fine, great even. My mom married my Owen when I was seventeen and Ram was only six." Buck pauses in favour of taking a drink, setting up for the less savoury part of his teen years. "For me, my dad was never that bad. Withdrawn, sure, but he wasn't a bad dad, and he loved me and Maddie in his own way. With Ram, however, he had such a hard time dealing with all the doctor visits and the shit that came with his diagnosis and all of it. He really treated him like shit. Ram doesn't really remember it, only being two when they got divorced but I do, and I've always resented him for the way he treated Ram." The raised eyebrows tell Buck that Carlos wants to know more and Buck obliges easily, "Well, one time when Ram was about one, John Buckley left him in a grocery store parking lot after he had been hospitalized for a week. A family friend found him and called us, my god was my mom livid." Buck cracks a smile at the memory. 

"Your mom...she died right?" Buck nods, chewing on his lip. "Yeah, in a car accident about...five years ago." Carlos nods and the two stay in a very comfortable silence until Buck asks about him and TK, definitely not missing the gigantic smile that breaks out across the police officers face.    
“It was a little...rough at first but honestly I love him more than anything.” Buck smiles, sipping a bit more of his water. “And he loves you, that much is clear.” Carlos blushes a deep red that nearly envies the firetruck making Buck laugh.   
  
“So...what about you? Anyone special?” Buck freezes for a second, choosing to take back the rest of his water in turn of talking for just a few more seconds.    
“I...I wish but I kind of fucked it up.” Carlos raises his eyebrows, “What happened?” So Buck tells him. Maybe it’s because there’s something about Carlos or maybe it’s because he just needs to tell someone that isn’t blood-related to him or maybe he just really needs to figure out what the fuck is going on and Carlos is the closest person to him at the moment.    
So Buck explodes. He tells him about meeting Eddie and then Shannon coming back and dying and the bombing and the pulmonary embolism and the Tsunami and the lawsuit. He just opens up like a broken dam. 

“Wow...that’s rough.” Carlos breaths out, sitting back fully against the couch that they had migrated to at some point. “Yeah, I really fucked up.” Buck watches as Carlos’ face experiences about five emotions at once; confusion, realization, sadness, anger and then understanding.   
  
“You didn’t fuck up, Buck. I mean, yeah, I’m sure there was another path to take but that was the path that presented itself to you.” Carlos pauses, shifting slightly. “Listen, I’m not a firefighter but my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s dad are, and my boyfriend’s brother.” The two laugh at that for a minute. “I know how important family is and honestly, if I was in your shoes, I would’ve done the exact same thing.” Buck breaths out heavily at that, squeezing his eyes shut. “It’s just been rough. Everyone hates me, man.” Buck says it nearly inaudibly but when Carlos pulls him into a tight hug, Buck knows he heard him. 

Eventually, the two-part ways and go to bed, Buck going to the guest room and Carlos going to TK’s.   
  
Eventually, Buck hopes he will be okay.   
  
Eventually, Buck hopes he’ll be able to believe Carlos.   
  
Eventually, things with Eddie might be okay.

Buck doesn’t know if he can take “eventually.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was going through Eddie's mind when he found out Buck has left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little filler chapter. 
> 
> I have absolutely zero post schedule because I am exceptionally erratic and impulsive.

The day after Buck left, Eddie was running incredibly late because his alarm hadn’t gone off and Chris wasn’t exactly into getting up that morning. 

In reality, he arrived only a couple minutes late but what was odder was Buck. Buck was never late and he just wasn’t there. Buck always arrived at least thirty minutes before the shift started but today, he just wasn’t there.    
“Hey, cap,” Eddie calls while walking upstairs to join the others for breakfast. “Where’s Buckley?” It’s no secret that after the lawsuit...things have been a little bit rough around the firehouse. Okay, a lot bit rough. But as Eddie sees Bobby’s shoulders deflate completely, he’s suddenly worried and confused. “Buckley has taken vacation time for the next month.” Eddie immediately feels anger well up inside himself, and truthfully he doesn’t even know why. “He just got back? Didn’t he want to be here bad enough to do file that lawsuit?” He can feel Hen’s eyes burrowing into his head but he’s still staring at cap who just shrugs, going back to eating his own omelette. “He went straight to the chief, I was only told yesterday. Vinny’s gonna be covering.” Something makes Eddie nod before he starts eating his omelette. 

It weighs on Eddie the entire day.    
If coming back was so incredibly important to Buck, why would he leave only a month after getting back? What was so important that he took a month off after only being back for a month.

He tries asking Chim because if Maddie knows, Chim most likely does too. Chim, However, is as clueless as himself, and not remotely helpful.    
When it comes to Buck, Eddie can get a bit...crazy. That much hasn’t changed. Which is why he shows up at Maddie’s after a shift at ten AM with a box of doughnuts.   
“Eddie? What are you doing here?” Eddie pushes the box towards her but her sceptical look only grows wider. “Okay fine, where’s Buck?” She rolls her eyes but takes the box, gesturing for him to follow deeper into the house. Pictures of her and Buck and her and Chimney take up almost every wall, amongst artful pieces he knows nothing about. 

“Can’t you just ask him yourself?” Maddie’s not trying to be mean, you can see it, she’s genuinely curious and that confuses Eddie. Surely Buck has talked to his sister about what’s been going on at the station, how they’ve been treating him, how he and Buck haven’t talked in well over a month.    
“We haven’t been...talking.” The groan she lets out is loud and extremely audible as she rolls her eyes. 

“You two are absolutely ridiculous.” She huffs a little before continuing, “He’ll be back in a month if not less but if you want to know why you’ll have to ask him yourself.” Eddie huffs back but takes the doughnut when it’s offered to him.    
On the way to his house, his finger hovers over the call button but he just can’t do it, can’t press it after all this time. Is it a little ridiculous? Yes. Is he guilty? Yes. He hadn’t been at first. He was so pissed at Buck for the stupid lawsuit that he thought he was entirely entitled to yelling at Buck for what he did, for keeping distance even after the lawsuit was over, for being so dramatically angry at the younger man. He felt entitled in his anger, until a week ago when Chris practically screamed at him for taking his Buck away, accompanied soon after, by joint arguments from Tia Pepa and Abuela, even Carla gave him a stern talking to that made him feel like a child. He just hadn’t gotten the courage yet to call Buck, or even talk to him in person. 

Something clicks in Eddie's brain, something he had been dwelling on for months but it just clicks.

He loves Buck. He loves Buck, not in the way he loves his Abuela or his parents or Chris or the team, he loves Buck in the way he loved Shannon. Of course, it isn't a complete surprise, it's not even a little bit of a surprise. He's gotten jealous over talks of Buck's past relationships, he's thought of kissing Buck and nearly has on drunken nights, he got maybe a little too unreasonably angry over the whole lawsuit. Because he loves Buck. Because he missed Buck and he wants Buck in a way a guy normally doesn't want his best friend. He loves Buck.

  
In spite of a call, he sends a very quick text before walking into his house.    
  
**_EDDIE: where are you, Buck?_ **


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one but I hope that it's worth it.

“Where are you, Buck? Where are you? What does that even mean!?” He practically yells, throwing his hands up. “In my experience, he means he is wondering where you are.” His brother says slowly between sipping on his milkshake, tapping his foot at ridiculous speeds as he waits to be discharged. 

  
“You’re an asshole.” The boy just grins, fiddling with his oxygen. “So what were the results like today?” Ram holds up a finger, taking a particularly large gulp of his milkshake. “35 which wasn’t bad for doing it at the asscrack of dawn.” That makes them both laugh harsh and ridiculous, cough following as a nurse comes in to relieve him. 

  
“You ready to go kid?” He nods quickly, practically leaping off the bed and following Buck out.    
Buck carries the backpack for Ram so that he doesn’t run it into a wall as he says bye to all the nurses in the CF unit.

  
Buck recalls when Ram got started on oxygen therapy, right after The Fault in our Stars came out so all Buck did was call him Hazel-Grace. 

They pull into the fire station almost at the same time that the ladder truck does. 

  
“Ram!” A loud, booming voice he recognizes from videos as Judd yells and seconds later, Ram is catapulting himself down the station and at Judd. Judd isn’t much taller than Ram, maybe an inch or two, he, however, is at least two times Ram’s size. It’s like a teddy bear holding a ken doll, well not really but you get the point. 

“Hey, Buck.” Buck smiles as Owen claps his hand on his back. “Guy’s, this is my oldest, Buck.” Buck smiles and nods as they all introduce themselves. He knows them all from videos and stories from all three Strands, but now he knows them personally which is definitely better.

  
“You guys coming over for dinner?” Buck looks at Ram who is talking to a beautiful woman with dark hair who he hadn’t been introduced to, but at the mention of dinner he looks over. “Food?” Everyone burst into laughter but nods nonetheless. “I’m cooking tonight.” Paul, if he remembers correctly, chimes in earning no less than a cheer before Ram bounds over to Buck. “Paul’s a genius in the kitchen, only surpassed by Grace, sorry Paul.” Paul shakes his head but doesn’t disagree with Ram either. 

  
Buck vaguely remembers Grace as Judd’s wife.

Buck and Ram end up leaving after the team leaves for a call but instead of going home, they end up going to a mall in deep downtown Austin. 

He finds himself watching his brother in a way he hadn’t before. He feels selfish almost, he had felt so horrible and like his life was ending when the truck happened, had treated everyone like shit. His brother is dying, however, but it doesn’t control his life. It’s just a thing that’s happening to him, it isn’t him. Buck remembers Ram saying that a lot when he was younger, a weird little kid Ram was. 

  
“How long are you staying?” Ram asks, holding up a short-sleeved black button up in the mirror. “About two more weeks.” Ram turns, looking exceptionally exasperated. “Why? I’m not dying...any more than normal. Go home, Buckley.” Buck laughs, rolling his eyes at the inch-taller man (because he can’t except that his little brother is an inch taller than him.)

  
“I missed you guys, I don’t get to visit very often.” Ram hums, coughing a little as he grabs another shirt. “Are you sure it has nothing to do with you avoiding your team because of the lawsuit?” Buck stares in shock but he’s not surprised, Ram isn’t exactly subtle, never has been. He is as blunt as ever and Buck almost regrets how honest he is with the kid. 

  
Ram is by far the only person he’s found he can talk to about this stuff, followed closely by Owen and TK. It wasn’t like he wanted to at first, he didn’t plan to. But Ram can read him like a book and Ram is also very convincing, what with pulling the “I’m dying” card when Buck told him no. 

  
“You’re an ass.”

  
“I’m not wrong though.”

  
Buck just grumbles, silently following Ram as he looks for a different shirt. He had found a pink one that looked kind of like if a pink smurf exploded (he watched way too many cartoons, thanks a lot Chris) but they neither had it in his size nor did it look right with his mohawk. He kind of looked like Patrick Star: Punk Edition.

“I needed to take a step back.” Ram nods, holding up two shirts. One’s a dark purple almost black long sleeve and the other is a dark grey button-up with black speckles. He points at the speckly one. 

  
“You can’t run and hide, gotta take it like a man. Whether it be a tsunami or talking to your teammates and telling your crush you like him.” Buck glares but it only earns him a laugh. “Thank’s, Ram.” He means it genuinely, if not slightly sarcastically.

  
Ram is silent until they get back into the car, “You can’t pretend forever Buck.” Buck has the balls to ask what he means. “You can’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. I know you’ve been having nightmares and I know you’ve been struggling with flashbacks. You just need to accept it, Buck.” He pauses, taking a breath, “So go home. Talk to Eddie, and the team, clear that shit up.”    
Before they go to dinner with the 126 fam, Buck texts Bobby, with Ram’s prodding of course. 

**_BUCK: I’ll be back on Monday if you need anyone for shifts_ **

“Happy?” Ram grins, giving him a thumbs up. “We got three and a half more days with you, Buckley. This is gonna be fun.” Buck can’t help but be minutely terrified. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a double chapter for the wait on the last one.   
> We're nearing the end.

Buck is just walking up the stairs, nearly to the door of the apartment when he sees Ram outside, reading a book while simultaneously playing candy crush. 

  
“Uh, why are you out here?” Ram looks up, pulling out his earbuds which are blasting ear-shattering punk music because that’s the perfect reading music. “Carlos and TK are on a date, in the apartment. Dad’s with Michelle and I’m here.” Buck burst into laughter, shaking his head. “Come on, let’s go get some food.” Ram grins, immediately scrambling to his feet, and running ahead of Buck, nearly dropping his backpack twice. 

  
“Well hurry up!” Ram’s coughing but he doesn’t seem to care, tapping his foot impatiently at the bottom of the steps by the time Buck’s gotten down there. 

  
“What are we in the mood for tonight?” Buck asked, grateful that Owen let him borrow his car again. “Food, literally anything as long as its and going in my body.” Buck laughs as he pulls off into the road. “You got your meds right?” Ram gives him a big thumbs up, patting the front pocket. “Yeah, learned not to forget it way too many times.”

  
They end up getting Tex-Mex which Ram actually yells at Buck when Buck says he’s had it before because apparently in two years his brother has become a die-hard Texan. 

  
“You gotta try Abuela’s next time.” Buck raises his eyebrows. “Abuela?” Ram laughs heartily, nodding a little bit. “Carlos’ Abuela. Trust me, it’s safer to call her that. I tried calling her, her actual name and she hit me with a shoe.” Buck laughs so hard he nearly crashes into a pole because that’s all too much like Abuela, well Eddie’s Abuela. 

  
Halfway through shopping again, Ram ends up getting a call from his friend Robbie and Buck ends up dropping him off at almost eleven because apparently, Robbie had bought a shit ton of ice cream and the Spiderman PS4 game. 

  
On the way back to the apartment, and desperately hoping whatever Carlos and TK were doing they are done with, his phone starts going off. He doesn’t look at the ID, thinking it’s his dad checking in or one of his brothers, he’s quickly proven wrong. 

“Hey, Buck.”

  
“Athena?”

  
Athena breaths through the phone as he pulls into the apartment parking lot, but he doesn’t get out. He just sits, eyes resting on his steering wheel.

“Hey Buckaroo, how are you?” Buck almost forgets to breathe. “I’m...I’m okay. Why are you calling Athena?” He can hear Athena breathing heavily through the phone, probably too close.

“I’ve missed you Buck, and I wanted to make sure you were okay after everything.” Buck actually pauses at that, and he isn’t sure how to answer.

  
His talk with Ram yesterday comes to his mind,  _ “You can’t pretend forever Buck.” _

“I’m...I’m working on it.” He breaths out, finally telling the truth for once.    
“That’s good. Listen, Buck, when you get back, do you think we could all have a big dinner and talk?” He hesitates, “Yeah Thena, sure. I’ll be back Monday morning, will that be good.” He can hear the relief in her voice when she speaks up next, “Yeah Buck, that’ll be great.” He nods, breathing slowly as he tries to get his brain to catch up to what just happened. “I’ll see you then Athena.” 

The phone drops into his lap and he stops breathing again, stunned by whatever just happened. 

  
He doesn’t stay in his head for long because there’s a harsh knock on his window that jars him out of his head. Looking up, he sees TK, Carlos standing behind him.

“Hey, you alright?” TK asks once Buck’s opened the door and stepped out. “Yeah, I’m uh...I’m having dinner with the station when I get back Monday.” Both men glance at each other before looking back at Buck.    
“We were actually thinking about that…” Buck furrows his eyebrows at the two. “Thinking about what? If you’re trying to get me to stay, Ram might punch you.” TK laughs, shaking his head. 

“No no no, but speaking of Ram...what if he goes with you?” The confusion only seeps further into Buck. “What he means is, what is Ram stays with you for a week or so? Help you settle, visit LA because it’s all he talks about.” Buck smiles a little, nodding because it’s not a bad idea. 

  
“Was this his idea or yours?” Carlos points at TK earning a mutter from TK that Buck doesn’t catch. “We’d still have to ask the doctors and dad but, obviously you were the first person.” He nods, leaning back against Owen’s car.

  
“Let’s do it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You got a really long chapter here before the final chapter coming up.

Getting the doctors to agree on letting Ram go to LA wasn’t nearly as hard as getting Owen to. After agreeing to go to the hospital the second he landed, and to stay on top of his treatments, it wasn’t that hard for the doctors to agree because Ram isn’t critical yet, that could change but for now, he can fly so why not. 

  
Owen was a bit harder to convince, but eventually, he said yes and Sunday night, Buck and Ram were on the way to the airport. 

“What the heck are we listening to?” TK asks, absolutely distraught as he tries but fails to reach over Carlos to grab the aux cord from Ram. 

“FUCK off! It’s Falkenbach, shut up and listen.” Carlos burst into laughter which eventually leads to the rest doing the same. 

“Are you sure that you have everything?” Owen asks Ram for only the ninth time in four minutes, earning groans from not only Ram but from Buck and TK as well. 

“Dad, he has everything, calm down.” TK inserts, leaning against Carlos who gives Ram a small hug, awkward albeit because of TK in the middle of them. 

Thank god they left early because, by the time everyone’s done hugging everyone, they’re nearly late to their flight. 

  
“Are you excited?” Buck ask Ram who’s face is practically plastered to the window of the plane, nodding frantically. “Thank’s for convincing him.” Buck just smiles as his brother turns around.    
“Course.”

  
  
  
  


////////////   
“I thought that the nurse was gonna stab me.” Ram and Buck laugh harshly, stumbling away from the hospital after a mostly successful post-flight checkup. “So I have some...news.” Ram raises his eyebrows, carting his oxygen behind him. “We’re going to Athena’s tonight, for dinner, with everyone.” Ram stares blankly for a few minutes, slowly nodding. “There will be food?” Buck nods and that turns his brother towards the idea pretty quickly. 

  
The second the two get to Buck’s apartment they fall asleep, which is actually pretty impressive but what’s even more impressive is that they are actually able to stay asleep until eight AM. But after Ram’s woken up, Buck can’t exactly stay asleep when Ram’s coughing up a lung.

“You want some coffee?” Buck asks, tiredly wiping his eyes as his brother coughs into his arm, giving him a thumbs up. Buck nods, already filling up his own with cream while passing over his brothers disgusting black coffee. 

"How do you drink that?" He asks Ram who sips it occasionally. "Easily, when I'm not hacking." Buck laughs, rolling his eyes. 

"I'll start breakfast if you have shit to do before then." Ram nods and disappears back upstairs, only then Buck realizes that Ram hadn't been wearing his oxygen. 

"Come get breakfast kid!" Buck yells, already eating his own pancakes, hearing his brother running through the loft before he's nearly falling off the chair, both of them laughing. 

"Jesus kid, you hungry?" Ram nods, grabbing a dry pancake. "Two months ago I couldn't eat for almost a month, I’m more than happy to eat this pancake." Buck nods a little, moving to sit next to Ram. "I have to do my vest after breakfast and then we can go out if you want?" Buck nods because that sounds more than good for him. 

Buck isn't sure how they end up at a mall shopping, again, but he isn't complaining. 

What he finds odd is how they are capable of walking around for almost three hours and buying nothing. 

"Buck?" Buck turns around, and he can't help the grin that takes over his face when May runs over, hugging him tightly. 

He had grown really close to May even before the truck accident but then after that, they hung out a lot and he would help her with her homework, which also meant he helped Harry and at some point he became a tutor because now he helps May and Harry  _ and  _ Denny  _ and  _ Chris. Not that he's complaining. 

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to at the Grant-Nash compound?" She nods, "Yeah, but I was looking around and my friends stranded me and then my phone died." She holds up the dead phone as evidence, earning a nod from him. "I'm waiting for someone but as soon as he's done, I can give you a ride?" He thanks God for the fact that they couldn't leave yet because they were going to until they went past a perfume store and Ram ended up in a coughing spell for half an hour. "Honestly, that would be great!" He smiles at her, turning to look at the bathrooms just as the family door opens and Ram comes out, not hacking nearly as violently. 

"It's official, I hate perfume." Buck laughs, not missing the way Ram stops and stares at the new person nor does he miss the way May looks at his oxygen. 

"May this is my little brother, Ram. Ram this is May." Ram sticks his hand out like a gentleman, May taking it slowly. 

"We're gonna give her a ride over to Grant-Nash's for the barbeque." Ram gives him a thumbs up before diving into a conversation with May about school because of course Buck's talked about everyone and Ram remembers practically everything. 

Buck is more than aware that they're running late but he can't exactly find it in him to care. He almost didn't even go but with the mixed combination of Ram desperately excited to see Maddie and meet Chris, he decides it's worth it. 

He pulls up to the Grant-Nash compound, just catching the tail end of Ram's rant as they all get out. 

"Are you going on about penguins, again?" Ram nods, grumbling under his breath, "I don't care what dad says, I want a fucking penguin." Both Buck and May laugh. 

Buck knocks despite May telling him he doesn't have to and it's too late to turn back by time that the door is swinging open and Athena is hugging him tightly, probably breaking at least one rib. 

"Hey Thena, I picked up May from the mall, hope that's okay." Athena's attention quickly turns to her daughter and the boy next to her. "Oh and this is my brother, I hope it's okay I brought him. He's visiting for a bit." Athena smiles although neither brother miss her glancing at his oxygen as he shakes her hand enthusiastically. 

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs Grant." Athena glances at Buck and then back at the young man. 

"Of course it's okay. It's very nice to meet you too…?" He laughs, clearly noticing he hadn't introduced himself. "I'm Ram. I heard there was food." Buck elbows his side but Athena just laughs, hugging her daughter before May disappears into the house. "That there is, it should be ready in about half an hour.” Ram grins, quickly asking if he can help and Athena is more than happy for him too so that just leaves Buck to go see everyone else... alone. 

  
Luckily, he isn’t alone for long because the second he steps into the backyard with several pairs of eyes on him, Maddie is next to him and a small body is hugging his legs.

  
“BUCK!” Buck laughs, squatting down so that he’s more eye level to his favourite kid. “Hey, Chris.” The brown-haired boy grins widely, further sinking into Buck’s arms. “I missed you so much, Bucky. So much.” Buck just holds him tighter, pulling away to look him in the eyes. “I missed you too, so much." Buck gets closer again, lips to Chris's ear as he speaks only loud enough for him to hear, "I'm never leaving you again, promise." Chris latches his arms around Buck's neck again and Buck happily hugs the boy, tightly. 

Looking up at Maddie he says a bit louder, "Can you go get what's in the kitchen?" She looks clearly confused but nods, walking off as Buck pulls away. "Alright, there's someone I want you to meet." Buck stands up back to his full height, just now realizing that everyone that's outside has been staring at Buck and Chris. 

Buck turns his head to look at something besides them just as Maddie and Ram come out. Both are grinning and Ram is talking about a mix of food and penguins before his eyes catch Christopher and his grin only widens. 

"You must be the oh so famous Christopher." Ram gets down to Chris' height like Buck had been before and the apprehension either would feel with a new person just isn't there. "I'm Ram, Buck and Maddie's little brother." The two skip any other pleasantries and Chris is quickly pulling Ram away for a game a tag. 

"I wasn't aware you had a brother." Bobby is the first one to speak up near the grill. Buck and Maddie both nod. By Chim's lack of surprise, he guesses that he already knows all about Ram and the Strands. "Yep, Ram. He's an awesome kid, only tied with Chris. No offence." Everyone laughs, well except Eddie who is staring jaw-slacked at Buck and at Ram who's running in the distance, dodging little hands with his backpack slung on both shoulders. The obvious questions hang in the air, everyone too apprehensive to bring them up, thankfully Athena and May come out breaking up the awkwardness. 

"So how was your vacation, Buck?" Buck nods, feeling way too comfortable in a setting he hasn't been in since the embolism. "It was good. I went down to see Ram because he was in the hospital. Sorry about that Bobby, I know that was a little sudden." That seems to jar bobby out of his state a bit, "No...no of course not. Family is important." Buck nods, turning to talk to Athena about it a little more. 

"Texas is really nice. Although you must know that, living there your entire life." His eye's turn to Eddie who is staring right back at him. "Uh...yeah. It's a nice place." 

"All of your kids are very fast." Ram suddenly coughs out, walking over to the group, clearly oblivious or just totally not caring about the awkwardness that hangs in the air. "Do you want some water, honey?" Ram nods, leaning into Maddie whilst coughing up a lung. Buck continues his conversation with Hen and Chim, all three not really bothered by the coughing but it's obvious that the adults who have never been around CF or never extensively been around it, think something's dire. Although Buck concludes, they probably aren't even sure what's wrong with Ram, just that  _ somethings _ wrong. 

"Uh, dinners ready." Bobby eventually calls and Buck is suddenly thrust back into the chaos of finding a seat when thirteen other people also doing the same. 

He ends up in between Chris and Eddie because Ram had abandoned him for May and Chris, the traitor. 

The entire dinner, Buck just feels Eddie’s eyes boring into his head as he tries to ignore them like he doesn’t notice.

Eventually, things wind down and it’s just then that Buck realizes they meant an actual talk. 

Abuela comes by to get Chris -which Chris isn't happy about when Ram says he can't go with him- and Michael takes the remaining kids -minus Ram- back to his humble abode. 

“Come on, Buck, I’m not waiting for you guys to get your shit together.” Buck laughs, tossing Ram his keys. “Just...try not to crash, alright?” Ram gives him a thumbs up before saying by to everyone, giving Buck one final look before he leaves.

When he steps into the living room, he can't help but notice how annoyed Hen looks and how simultaneously irritated and calm Maddie and Karen look. Eddie is giving off nine different emotions at once but the biggest one is confusion. 

"You guys wanted to talk." Buck sits down on a stool someone had grabbed from the kitchen, watching as everyone tries to find a place to sit. 

"Yes...we realized we handled the situation badly and we need to talk about it." Buck almost laughs. He doesn't know why but he just can't imagine a place where this goes well. 

"So talk." 

Surprisingly, Chim is the first to go, "I am so sorry Buck. I shouldn't have followed the example, the very bad example. I know from personal experience how bad all that shit feels and I can't imagine how horrible all of this has been...I'm deeply sorry Buck." Buck just smiles but he means it. Hen doesn’t even speak up. He had already talked to Hen on his own time on Saturday. Hen was the only one in the firehouse to treat him good, to try and talk to him both in and out of work.   
  
Bobby was next, choking slightly on his words at first, "I'm really sorry kid. None of us handled any part of the situation correctly. We really fucked up. _I_ really fucked up. I’m the captain and I’m supposed to set an example but I set a terrible example. I shouldn’t have treated you that way, no matter what. I hope you know how sorry I am because I'm really fucking sorry. I was scared...I didn't want to lose you but that's no excuse for doing what I did. I am really sorry Buck." Buck almost chokes up at that, choosing to nod and smiling instead of speaking as to not start sobbing. 

Eddie stays silent for several, horrible moments but Buck can see the tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. 

"I'm…Fuck. I can't say I'm sorry because it doesn't even begin to cover how much I fucked up. I fucked up everything. I was so fucking scared that I was gonna lose you and I was so fucking angry that you left just like that, I couldn’t except that you left to get back to us… I was a fucking idiot and nothing will ever make up for how I treated you.” It’s Buck’s turn to stay silent. 

  
“I….Can I talk to you in private?” He says just above a whisper, staring at Eddie.    
Eddie nods but before the two can move, everyone else begins to walk into the backyard quietly, leaving no room for argument as they leave the two to talk in private. 

Eddie speaks up before he can, “W...when you left I missed you so fucking much and it dawned on me why I missed you so much.” Buck raises his eyebrows in turn for speaking, afraid his voice will fail him. “Because Evan Buckley, I fucking love you, and I’m in love with you. It took me two years, a tsunami, a lawsuit and a shit load of hospital visits to figure it out but god, I love you.” Instead of speaking anything, Buck stands up, striding over to where Eddie sits on the couch and slamming his lips into Eddie’s. Eddie quickly responds and the kiss is full of want and need, well until a voice speaks up from behind them. 

  
“You two ain’t having sex on my couch are you?!” Athena calls and the two quickly pull away, panting slightly. “You wanna come back to mine?” Eddie asks softly, eyes focused on Buck’s own. Buck nods in response, pulling Eddie up to his feet with him. 

  
They walk out back where only Bobby and Athena remain. “The rest went home,” Athena says and the two nod. “We’re gonna head out too.” Eddie fills them in too and Bobby and Athena share a look before hugging the two goodbye. When Buck and Bobby hug, it lingers far more than it should but Bobby tucks his mouth close to Buck’s ear, whispering, “I’ll see you at work on Wednesday, alright?” Buck nods, smiling before walking out hand in hand with Eddie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys want the final chapter tonight or tomorrow?
> 
> If you guys wanna come yell at me on Tumblr, it's @/weirdspiderkid


	8. Chapter 8

“Are we gonna talk?” Eddie asks after several minutes of silence, the two barely touching their beers. “What about?” Buck asks in return but he knows exactly what, he’s just avoiding the topic at hand. “Everything? Me and you, I don’t know, anything?” Buck sighs, deciding to talk about the easy stuff first. “I went down to visit my family because I hadn’t seen them in over two years, my brother was also in the hospital but he has cystic fibrosis so he’s in the hospital quite a lot.” Buck pauses, trying to draw out what is inevitable. “Ram is mine and Maddie’s brother but we also have a stepbrother, TK, and TK’s dad, Owen. Ram lives down in Texas with them.” Eddie nods and Buck almost can’t breathe because he knows what’s coming and he’s not sure what to say or do. 

“And us?” 

Buck doesn’t know why that question is so hard. Maybe because they have always just been Buck and Eddie, best friends. Neither of them questioned it even when other people did. They were just Buck and Eddie, best friends, firefighting partners, best friends. There was always something more but neither one ever questioned it so it wasn’t there. But now they’ve questioned it and it’s there, like a bright blinking light, clear as day. 

  
“Buck…” Eddie says when he doesn’t answer but he just shakes his head, taking in a sharp breath as his brother’s words repeat in his head again,  _ “You can’t pretend forever Buck.” _

Stupid fucking Ram and his being way to smart for his own good. 

“I’m not sure, okay? I don’t know what we are. I’ve never been in love with my best friend before.” Eddie sighs nodding, and if it weren’t for how serious they both were, Buck thinks he might actually laugh. “Me either Buck, but I do love you and…” Eddie pauses, standing up to walk over to Buck, situating himself between Buck’s thighs and Buck isn’t sure if he’s even breathing but caring about any of that has gone way out the window as Eddie breaths against his mouth. “Chris and I want you in our lives, we love you, Buck.  _ I  _ love you.” Buck doesn’t have to wait, he smashes his lips against Eddie’s but it’s not as hurried as earlier, it’s slower and kinder. Eventually, the two pulled away, just pressing their foreheads to each other and breathing each other’s air. 

  
“I love you, Eddie...Fuck, I love you.” 

The two end up in Eddie’s bed, waking up several hours later basking in the sun, a tangle of limbs when both of their phones start going off. The two get up, both groaning as they struggle to find each of their phones. 

  
“Hello?” Buck asks, walking down the hall. “Did you guys hook up?” The raspy yet entirely recognizable voice of his brother cuts through the line and he can’t help but laugh. “Fuck off kid.”

  
“So that’s a yes?” Is all he hears before hanging up with a laugh, feeling arms snake around his waist. 

“I’m assuming you got a similar call to me?” Buck asks as he feels kisses on the back of his neck. “If your call was Hen asking if we hooked up.” Buck laughs deep from his belly, spinning around to be deeper into Eddie’s arms. “Something like that.” He mumbles into his boyfriend's lips, wrapping his hands in Eddie’s hair.    
“Round two?”   
Buck laughs but nods as the two stumble backwards. 

  
“I love you, Evan Buckley, forever and always.” 

  
“I love you Edmundo Diaz, por siempre y para siempre."

  
And Buck would be lying if he said he could live without Eddie Diaz because he couldn’t, he could never live without Eddie.    
Eddie would agree. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Por siempre y para siempre means forever and always.
> 
> Well, that's it, folks. I hope you enjoyed it.  
> If you want to come yell at me, my Tumblr is @/weirdspiderkid


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